NEW BLOG>>>>>>>>>>

Hey people,
my new blog is at http://crazylunaticrants.blogspot.com
I hope everyone follows me over >>
Jenni xx

Thinking Positive...

Monday 16 Nov
Wow, things have happened so fast since my last post. I am now living with my boyfriend Danny and his family; I have a full time job as a carer which I am really enjoying, and I also have regular access to my kids.
I put all this down to positive thinking. The best advice I can give to anyone in a similar situation to what I was in, is to think positively and you'll come out the other side better off than you were before.
The only down-side to my now-busy schedule is that I haven't had the chance to have a crack at NaNoWriMo this year. I got up to around 600 words on the first day, but since then it's all been non-stop.
My only challenge now is to persuade my oh-so-lazy boyfriend to get a job! And, to find enough time to get the manuscript finished. I'm so close to the end I can taste it. All I want to do is hide away for a few days and get the ending written, but unfortunately I'm probably going to have to finish it on paper while I'm working nights and it's quiet.
I've also been offered a few proof-reading jobs which I've had to turn down as I've just not got the time or the energy to complete. I've never had to turn down work before, so things must be good!
Well, I'm going to have to get ready for work now, I'm working 2-8pm today - and try and drag Danny from his first love - his bed.
Love to you all,
Jen xxx

Journal Entry - Thursday 22 October 2009

Wow, it's not long now until National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) begins. I'm really looking forward to this year, and it gives me the opportunity to finally get the last few chapters of Poppy finished. For those that don't know what NaNoWriMo is, it's run every November and you have one month to write 50,000 words of a novel. Thousands of people take part all over the country, and it's a great way of networking, getting creative, and pushing yourself to the limit with your writing.
Hopefully I'll have my flat and a job before Christmas, and I'm hoping to have a car too. Danny said that he wants to move in with me, so that's another bonus, and I'm also starting to see the kids regularly now, which is amazing. I've missed them so much.
The past couple of months have been a bit mad. We've just been wandering around all the pubs in Ashton, eating out and basically doing what we want, but now it's time we got off our arses and started looking towards the future.
It's only a quick update, as I'm having an early night - got a busy day ahead of us tomorrow.
Good luck to everyone attempting NaNoWriMo this year, and keep writing!
Take care,
Jenni xxx

Some More Writings...

Song of the Day: The Libertines - What Became of the Likely Lads

Here are a few songs I've written over the years. Most of these were written under the influence of drugs and alcohol so not at all my best work, but here they are anyway...

The following is a song I wrote after a very heavy sesh...

Messy

Sippin on stella
Thinking of you
My head’s a mess
Don’t know what to do!

Headaches, feelin sick
Butterflies in my tummy
Yeh, I think your really yummy.

5 months, January to May
Just gimme a twenty bag
Make it all go away.

Sick of sittin here
With you on my mind
I’m tryin to hate ya
I hope you don’t mind.

I’m obsessive compulsive
Gotta scratch this itch
No wonder you don’t like me
I’m a proper bitch!

So, I fucked things up
Like I always do
I’m walkin round in a daze
Haven’t got a clue.
　
Written by Jenni Nolan
07/05/2009

The next was actually a task set out from the woman at anger management (hence the name). It shows how much I needed haha...

Anger Management

You’re walkin round
Givin it mouth
You need a good slap
Bring ya back south.

Givin it daggers
Like you think you’re somethin
I’ll smash your fuckin teeth in
So keep them comin.

People takin the piss
Supposed to be fuckin mates
Tryin to get in my knickers
Just gimme a kiss.

I’ll rip ya head off
And stab ya with my key
Who do ya think you are
Takin advantage of me!

People chattin shit
Liars! I fuckin hate liars
I’ll rip their tongue out
Turn into Michael Myers.

Drinkin all my beer
Smokin all my weed
I’ll poke ya in the eye
When’s it your turn to buy?

Lil sista’s pressin charges
All pains in the arses
Drink a beer, have a smoke
Need something to do
My life’s a joke!

Officials telling me what to do
I’ll smash in ya face
Just fuck off, leave me alone
Gimme some space!

C
Anger management, that’s what I need
Need it quick, wanna make someone bleed!

Written by Jenni Nolan
09/05/2009

The next is a song I wrote when I was around 15 years old. I might have actually sold these lyrics...

Runnin…

C
Police chasin, money makin,
Stealin n dealin
Runnin, never stop runnin
You won’t catch me
I’m way too cunnin.

Climbed out of my window
Caught the bus
Back to my mates
Won’t see me for dust.

Nickin off market stalls
Barred from all the stores
Get pilled up, twok a few cars,
Rob a few spars
Run from security guards.

Get caught, locked up,
Climbin the walls,
Need freedom
Out of my head
Tryin to sober up.

Dragged back to my room
Nails through my window
But you won’t stop me from runnin,
Forever runnin -
You won’t catch me,
I’m way too cunnin!

I’d rather sleep in a skip
Than go back there
You won’t get me back
Try if ya dare.

Got a family here
Lookin after each other
Take the rap, take a slap
Love ya til I die
Coz you’re my brother.

Written by Jenni Nolan
Some time between 2001 and 2003

I think most of the lyrics on here are in 'Lady Sovereign' style haha, but there we have it. Writing from the heart not only is good for the soul, but can produce some good results (sometimes).

That's all from me for now, take care,

Jen xx

Isn't it ironic...

So, this is my first post since November 2008. So many things have happened since then - some good, some bad - but I'm not going to dwell on those changes. The most important thing is that I am the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. I've had some fantastic adventures over the past six to eight months, some of which I'll tell you about.

The first being my trip to Ireland. I was feeling down and wanted to do something exciting, so I organised a trip to Dublin with my dad. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, my dad pulled out at the last minute. I didn't want to waste my ticket so I went anyway, on my own.

I arrived in Dublin on the Friday morning with absolutely no idea where I was going to stay. I got the bus to Dublin town centre, which by the way, is the most beautiful city I've ever seen.

After wandering around I found a small backpackers hostel called City Manor (which had the very fitting nickname of shitty manor). The Jamaican guy on reception was fantastic (an avid Man U fan), and I ended up with a bed in a shared dormatory. Later that day I found out who my room mates were. There was Zeela, a sweet little Malaysian girl who I quickly became very good friends with. There was Peter, a completely mad Hungarian guy with red curly hair. He liked killing Russians on his laptop :) Then there was Francis from Belfast. He was absolutely beautiful. On the second night he got his guiter out and sung for me. His voice was that of an angel's. We both liked each other and I nearly cried when I had to go home.

Zeela took me on a tour of Dublin where we went to a gypsy market, a few beautiful parks and the main shopping centre. I found out that Zeela and I have similar interests like writing, poetry, music and travelling.

I am still in touch with Zeela, Peter and Francis via email and have another trip planned soon. I'm flying to Belfast where Francis has settled down, and I'll stay with him for a few days. Then I'll travel down to Dublin to meet Zeela. We're going to travel down the south-east coast of Ireland.

Another one of my spur-of-the-moment trips was to Malia, Crete. I was there for 20 days and I'll write about that in my next entry.
For now, here's a new song I wrote a few days ago...

You

I'm trying to write down on paper

what I know I'll regret later

of my feelings for you,

and the hurt that I know is imminately due.

I think of all of the pubs and the clubs and the drugs that we've shared,

And of the painful bloody feelings my poor heart has beared.

You rip my heart out and tear it apart

You stab at my worn-out body with a poisoned dart.

We'll sit and smoke a joint,

and you'll try to make a point

by stabbing your finger in the air,

and I'll nod my head and try to look like I care.

I'm just a jumbled-up misfit

in search of my next hit -

and I really don't give a shit.

So, I'm writing it down on paper

of how you've made me a hater

Because of my feelings for you

and how I'm still waiting for the invisible cue -

what do I do?

And so I sip my cider,

turn the music louder,

tap my feet to the beat,

and wonder what to do about you.

I'll flick my ash into the sink,

and pour myself another drink -

I'm on the brink of madness

Because of you and all your badness -

Seeping through my pores.

And I think about you

behind closed doors,

with all those little whores.

And so, I'll write down on paper

what I know I'll regret later

of my feelings for you,

and the fact that you haven't got a fucking clue.

Take care bloggers, and keep writing!

Jen xx

A Month of Achievements

Hi there all,

First of all, I'd like to apologise for my recent lack of postings. I have been studying like mad, which, by the way has earned me a 'B' on my first assignment. I am so pleased with myself because apparently it's an excellent score to get on your first assignment. I have also been getting everything ready for the new baby arriving. I was getting worried that I might not have enough baby clothes and then I found a couple of bin liners full of boys baby clothes in my cupboard. The past two weeks have been spent washing, drying, sorting and folding them all.

It's only 9 days until my due date, and I am quite surprised at how I'm feeling. I thought, that as the date got closer I would get more scared and nervous, like the previous 3 pregnancies, but this time I am getting calmer and more relaxed. This probably has something to do with the fact I am opting for an epidural this time, and I have heard that it makes things a million times more easy. I still haven't gotten round the idea that I'm going to have a new baby in just over a week though. This pregnancy seems to have gone so fast, I've not had chance to come to terms with it yet!

I'm really enjoying my studying at the moment. This first year is an extremely varied one and already I have learned about some of the most prolific characters in history such as Stalin, Cezanne, Christopher Marlowe and Cleopatra. I am currently half way through the last chapter of the first term book 'Reputations', which is on the Dalai Lama. Even though I am not religious in any way, and I normally find learning about religion tedious, I am surprised at how much I am enjoying it. I'm actually finding myself looking forward to sitting down and studying every day.

My writing isn't going too well this month. I've only written a couple of hundred words on Poppy in about 3 weeks, which isn't very good. I've wanted to do so well on my assignments, that I have placed Poppy on one side to concentrate on my studying. Even though this may seem like a good idea, it wasn't really what I wanted to do. I want to try and find a way of working on my studying and Poppy at the same time, whilst still doing well with both. I suppose this will just take a lot of practise, patience and determination.

That is one thing I am oozing at the moment - determination. I have carried on taking my iron tablets, and as a result I have so much more energy. For years now, I have written a list of things to do every single morning. Most of the time, by the time I go to bed there are still things on the list that don't get crossed off. Well, things have changed. I have found myself writing long lists of jobs to do in the house, places to go, people to phone and chapters of my uni work to complete - and every night before I go to bed I find myself looking at a list full of ticks. For some reason, whatever goes on the list must be crossed out before bed time. I've a feeling this may be down to the slight obsessive compulsive disorder I have developed during the pregnancy - but having the extra energy is doing wonders for me.

I ask you to please be patient with me over the next couple of weeks regarding the writing articles I promised you. I have a few already outlined and a couple started - but as soon as I finish the Dalai Lama section I will get them on my list of things to do and post them straight away.

Right, an hour of studying before Katie comes home from nursery, and then a pile of washing calls...

Jenni x

Back in Top Form...

Why is it that when things go wrong, they all go wrong at the same time? In the past few months, not only has my marriage failed, but a string of things have gone wrong too. There's my financial situation, which has declined drastically, my washing machine has broken down, I've just found out that my laptop is not insured anymore, and desperately needs repairing, my husband is messing with my head, and my kids are behaving badly. Then there's my boiler breaking down every two minutes and my kids being ill... where does it all end?

Well, the answer to that question is NOW!

After having some blood tests a couple of weeks ago, my doctor told me I was anaemic again, and that my white blood cell count was a bit too high. The white blood cell thing still hasn't been resolved, but I was prescribed some iron tablets. I've only been taking them for two days now and I feel like a new person. I have so much energy and motivation, it's unbelieveable.

I'm getting things done around the house, I'm attending appointments, and my work and writing are going so well, I should have book number three completed before the end of next summer. Not only do I have all this energy, but I also feel better within myself. I feel more confident, and I am determined not to let people walk all over me. In fact, I'm thinking of going on a few dates, just to cheer myself up. I've had a few offers since my husband left, but I felt like I was being unfaithful. I've now realised that I'm not being unfaithful, because he left me, and hurt me so much, so I owe it to myself to be happy again. I'm not going to sit around being miserable, waiting for him to come back. That's not going to happen.

Anyway, I've got an appointment in Ashton in an hour, so I'm going to get myself ready, and do a bit of cleaning before I go. That way, when I get back I can complete my assignment, send it off and spend all night blissfully writing away in peace.

I'll be posting a few articles on writing over the next few days, as I hone my article writing skills, so if you have any comments please feel free to leave them on here, or email me at jenni1607@hotmail.co.uk

Adios xxx